Not in a good place these days, the system is all kinds of messed up. 
We fell apart. I am so broken hearted, we loss our clean time. Paula, Sarah and I, Valynn.

Life got too hard but there is no giving up, no giving in. I still have 2 strong supports standing it with me still. Which is Safety Queen and PDoc P. 

Tears fall but thinking of the light I still see in another human being and she is shining it on me as bright as she can, determined for me not to fade into the darkness,  She is relentless! Not giving up on any of us. This being keeps me curious and going daily...I want to see what she sees, I want to see what she sees is worth saving. 

Today has not been a good day, we did some T homework and lost another support from our team of supports. 

Looking at why we relapsed sucks so much...
We have not cut or self harmed in days, we usually don't use and self harm together... but the urges of the blade are calling some of us again and we are afraid we will not find a way to stop this out of control ride and get off to walk a straight line.  

Wanna say so much more but leaving there for now. 

Valynn and the bunch