Guess the broken promises added up again, today. Couldn't breathe, couldn't put away the intense feelings. Yesterdays session with the PDoc opened up some stuff that we just couldn't seem to put away. *crying....
Needed to feel the blade against the skin. Are we real, are we alive? Tried many things this pass evening and none of it helped. Feel like such a failure as usual. I am so sorry N, S, PDoc P and mostly to the littles. Afraid to sleep, it is almost 4am and we know he awaits us there. His hands on our body make it difficult to sit in this skin. After almost 6 weeks we fucked up. The blood helps us know we are alive. Most think we shouldn't talk about this but to those who don't like it press the little X in the top cornor of the window and you never have to come here and read about it again. IT HURTS!!!!!! FUCKING HATE HIM!!!! HATE THEM!!!! It's not fair!!! Wish we could have said something.........sigh......Going to the washroom we found the stash of razors...wish we would have said that and had them put somewhere else. Now the blades are back in our possesion. Took all of 2 mins to pop them open and do damage. Don't know what to say.....Part of us is like, whatev, who friigin cares....you get a break but it never really goes away. Thinking this will be the hardest addiction to tackle. Sadly, can't wait to do it again but not the only one up any more.....

Written by: Can't tell....but we're in this together her and I.....