Here begins the most likely, won' t make any sense flow of,,,fuck IDK
Things are so fucking nuts inside. Loud as hell and this is a post after not taking our meds today. Not that we never meant to. We just forgot and by the time we remembered it would be too late to take them and function enough to make it for group tomorrow so we past on it. If nothing else it pretty much just keeps us up and unable to really settle.
Fuck, fuck, fuck the world. Still haven't cut in 3 days or so. Not that we didn't want to there are just too many eyes on us around this these days. It is kinda hard to do it when such a bright light is shinning on us. Booooo....
Wrote some shit inside the head today:
Most wouldn't find it funny but, who cares really?!!
16th floor balcony, my friend is not around.
Wonder would it be instant when we hit the ground.
okay, guess not such a good idea to go there but you get the picture. Thinking about suicide again. Which is fucked the hell right up cause we went to an NA meeting tonight where we pretty much screamed of hope. We talked about how much things can get better if we just put even a little effort into it all. How fucking nuts it is that we can go from that to this in just mintutes sometimes. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Who hates being us?? The vote inside comes pretty close to 50/50.
We are really feeling abandoned by most of our support system 3 on vacation and one tied up in other commitments. Fuck that shit is bad timing.
New memories have been coming up left right and center. Fuck that shit needs to stop. Can't seem to deal with it all. Thought about using drugs today after just over 7 months clean. Thinking a little pot could do us good right now. But fuck, if we do a lot of peeps will be pretty messed up about it. And maybe deep down, very very deep down someone still doesn't want us to cause we're not gonna. DAMN IT! cause we sure want to.
Queen Safety, PDoc P, and Beautiful Spirit (All therapeutic supports) mostly likely would be disappointed and the last thing we want to do is that. They have worked so hard to be there for us, all of us. WOW, this shit is confusing....Use, don't use. Cut, don't cut. Fuck "them", wait no I care about them. FUCK inside peeps, pick one and lets all agree. May be easier to fuck it all up then live in this battle of undecided.
So to make things that much more confusing: We are: Scared, angry, lonely, sad, hopeful, tired, abandoned, care for, loved, liked, hated..........all around FUCKED UP!!
Guess for now that's it, that's all...no more to see here folks, this shit is fucked up right there.
Rarely agreed and standing together, tonight’s word vomit has been brought to you by Paula and Sarah.
Things are so fucking nuts inside. Loud as hell and this is a post after not taking our meds today. Not that we never meant to. We just forgot and by the time we remembered it would be too late to take them and function enough to make it for group tomorrow so we past on it. If nothing else it pretty much just keeps us up and unable to really settle.
Fuck, fuck, fuck the world. Still haven't cut in 3 days or so. Not that we didn't want to there are just too many eyes on us around this these days. It is kinda hard to do it when such a bright light is shinning on us. Booooo....
Wrote some shit inside the head today:
Most wouldn't find it funny but, who cares really?!!
16th floor balcony, my friend is not around.
Wonder would it be instant when we hit the ground.
okay, guess not such a good idea to go there but you get the picture. Thinking about suicide again. Which is fucked the hell right up cause we went to an NA meeting tonight where we pretty much screamed of hope. We talked about how much things can get better if we just put even a little effort into it all. How fucking nuts it is that we can go from that to this in just mintutes sometimes. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Who hates being us?? The vote inside comes pretty close to 50/50.
We are really feeling abandoned by most of our support system 3 on vacation and one tied up in other commitments. Fuck that shit is bad timing.
New memories have been coming up left right and center. Fuck that shit needs to stop. Can't seem to deal with it all. Thought about using drugs today after just over 7 months clean. Thinking a little pot could do us good right now. But fuck, if we do a lot of peeps will be pretty messed up about it. And maybe deep down, very very deep down someone still doesn't want us to cause we're not gonna. DAMN IT! cause we sure want to.
Queen Safety, PDoc P, and Beautiful Spirit (All therapeutic supports) mostly likely would be disappointed and the last thing we want to do is that. They have worked so hard to be there for us, all of us. WOW, this shit is confusing....Use, don't use. Cut, don't cut. Fuck "them", wait no I care about them. FUCK inside peeps, pick one and lets all agree. May be easier to fuck it all up then live in this battle of undecided.
So to make things that much more confusing: We are: Scared, angry, lonely, sad, hopeful, tired, abandoned, care for, loved, liked, hated..........all around FUCKED UP!!
Guess for now that's it, that's all...no more to see here folks, this shit is fucked up right there.
Rarely agreed and standing together, tonight’s word vomit has been brought to you by Paula and Sarah.
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