Just thinking...

I am thinking about the concept of the horrific events in my life not being my fault. Could there be truth to this, are we maybe not to blame for it?!?! And thinking about how much we have cried over the last couple days and how healing that is. It has taken off some of the pressure we feel inside and also talking with Safety Queen and how last session went with her and Tracey and trying to take that all in. She said Tracey drew a picture for her and she doesn't know if it is a good idea to show me or not. Feels that it may be too soon too fast. And so I am thinking all those curious thoughts of what it is about and what she drew.   Got to have a phone session with Safety Queen yesterday after she was away for awhile she thought it may be a good idea to touch base for an hour or so on the phone we talked for an hour and she was proud that I had a list of things prepared and numbered them in order of importance. Of course we didn't get to all 5 things on the list but we talked a great deal about Tracey as she was there at last session. It was quite the session as Tracey decided not to talk to her with her voice, so the session was spent with Safety Queen trying again to learn sign. Tracey found this quite amusing. Listening to Safety Queen talk about Tracey and the session left me feeling kinda weird. The connection SQ has with Tracey can leave me angry sometimes. SQ seems to smile bright when she talks of her. And then I am reminded, we are one of many parts and she smiles big about me too. Hmm, not so sure about that. Then she told me Tracey took and played with a toy. This was huge as Tracey is afraid to play. This to me shows trust we have towards SQ and that made me smile big. There was much more squeezed into this 60mins but I will leave it there for now or this could be a mini novel. I will say after our chat yesterday my day today feels a little stronger and hopeful knowing we get to see her this Friday.