I really don't even know where to begin. Although I am semi safe, my life is
crumbling around me. I am at a breaking point. But a weird one I will try and
explain. You see it is as if I have snapped to the other end of the scale.
Instead of letting others know how bad things are I am acting out the opposite.
I am walking around like life is good but with a really bad ____ you!! attitude.
I am so tired of doing things for others and doing things for myself that others
want or think is best. No one knows us inside like I do and I am so angry that
anyone thinks they have a right to anything otherwise. Some people are on my
case that I am not doing enough....I want to swear so bad right now and
controlling that is hard. Don’t want to trigger anyone though. I just don’t even
know what to do anymore. I liked it before I had friends IRL cause that way
there was no explaining, no saying sorry, no worrying anyone. Now they are all
worried and upset and, and, and the best part, I am not just suppose to suck it
up but also make it ok for them so they are not worried. I wish they would all
just leave me the (BEEP) alone! The people in my life, need to back off...they
don’t even see they have me at cliffs end and with each step they make towards
me, I risk falling off the edge. I can’t even breath right now. I am finding it
hard to cope in a healthy way tonight...I feel so useless, like it will never
get better, like I want to find the off switch...urg!!! Sigh...I’m such a waste
of time. I am so sorry that I affect people. I wish they would all go away and
so I could just fade away quietly on my own......tears
crumbling around me. I am at a breaking point. But a weird one I will try and
explain. You see it is as if I have snapped to the other end of the scale.
Instead of letting others know how bad things are I am acting out the opposite.
I am walking around like life is good but with a really bad ____ you!! attitude.
I am so tired of doing things for others and doing things for myself that others
want or think is best. No one knows us inside like I do and I am so angry that
anyone thinks they have a right to anything otherwise. Some people are on my
case that I am not doing enough....I want to swear so bad right now and
controlling that is hard. Don’t want to trigger anyone though. I just don’t even
know what to do anymore. I liked it before I had friends IRL cause that way
there was no explaining, no saying sorry, no worrying anyone. Now they are all
worried and upset and, and, and the best part, I am not just suppose to suck it
up but also make it ok for them so they are not worried. I wish they would all
just leave me the (BEEP) alone! The people in my life, need to back off...they
don’t even see they have me at cliffs end and with each step they make towards
me, I risk falling off the edge. I can’t even breath right now. I am finding it
hard to cope in a healthy way tonight...I feel so useless, like it will never
get better, like I want to find the off switch...urg!!! Sigh...I’m such a waste
of time. I am so sorry that I affect people. I wish they would all go away and
so I could just fade away quietly on my own......tears
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