Trying To Figure It Out.

These, these days, right here in this moment is when I hate having DID, I hate trying to figure thoughts out, I hate being a walking riddle, a talking quiz, a lab rat to the unknown. Who are you?? Why are you here now? Have you always been here? What do you want me to know? and most importantly why these games for me to guess. I love you, I love all parts but please help me understand who you are and why you are here???!!! Are you the one showing us new memories? I am struggling now with a new/maybe just seen part! Sigh, I am so tired and scared, scared if I can keep fighting this fight. All the littles are really close, I feel so sad cause it is like they are all in a crowd waiting for me to invite them into my arms to hold on to them. How can I be there to hold them =’( when I am the one in need of being held. I am not trying to assume what it will be like but I am not looking forward to the days ahead. Co-Consciousness is scaring me, this is new and I’m not so sure how to deal with it. I mean, I get it, I understand what is going on but my fear is that it is too much to handle all at once. Well it feels like all at once. Where’s the off switch? What if I can’t handle this…I am overwhelmed, scared, and afraid that…well just that I can’t handle it…. =(