Dearest N,
I am truly sadden to let you go. You have been one of the most patient people I have ever met. I really hope you truly know how much working with you has meant to all of "us". The littles are the most upset and will miss you most of all. We all feel truly sorry for our attitude over the last few session with you. It comes from a place of pain and fear, not a mean place. We want to thank you for everything you have done for us. We hate the fact of, everyone for a time, a reason, a season. We know we will see you around but it will not be the same. Thanks for taking on the challenge that is us. We are truly grateful you have crossed our path.
With every kind wish to a woman filled with beauty and heart,
Valynn and The Original Kido Bunch
Went to see my Therapist today, the one I have had for over 2 years and this was the first session that I ever got upset with her or showed any level of frustration. I even told her the session was a complete waste of time. Sigh. I don't think I meant it, I am just so frustrated these days with how my support team doesn't seem to be listening to me at all and makes it confusing.
One says journal it's good. The other says don't, stay away from these thoughts right now. One says go to the Hospital and one said, no don't that is a bad idea and will only set you back. One says process the new memories as soon as possible and the other says don't think of it right now, try and stable first then we'll deal with it.
Okay Stop!!
Has anyone even asked what I want out of all this? I want them to all get on the same page but first I want to finish up a few things, as some of these supports will soon be ending, which is a whole other issue. After I get all the new things and support in place then and only then will this be a great idea. My question is in the mean time what am I suppose to do while my support system is all disorganized and awry?
My Therapist I saw today said something rather helpful. Don't listen to any right now that isn't helpful by listening to my own voice. Okay more questions, I have many voices, not always on the same page. Also if my own voice was good I wouldn't really need them for support would I. So how do I do this.
The good part is that some of the inners thought YAY!! Don't listen = we can do whatever we want. So taking this listen to no one in a really wrong, most likely not unintended way. I think it was more meant to be said as in don't take it all in and be confused. Just be patient until everything is in place that is suppose to be in the next few weeks.
Okay totally rambling in confusion forgive me, but this, this moment is where I truly am at, Confusion!
What's a girl of many to do??
Left to my own devices = trouble.
I don't know! ~ Deep breath...
Made the note below today, while in my therapy session. ~sigh, hate feeling like I want to avoid her (therapist). It's more of being silenced by fear. Don't remember last half of session, hmm?! Wonder who showed up. I am guessing Sarah, Tracey, or Paula. My therapist, who is awesome, no doubt. She gave me great things to do this week. 1. No journaling (Does that include blogging? lol), 2. Any artwork or activies should be of a positive nature. 3. Take time out to do something that feeds the positive side of the soul for each alter. I am going to do this with everything in me, casue I need it to change. This heavyness is too much on me, it is in all honesty, killing me. ~Valynn
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